I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
