you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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