Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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