Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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