Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
