I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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