My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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