Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
