Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
