You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just had sex bonerless
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
