Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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