I love black thongs
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
