Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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