quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
