You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
