I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
