omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
