the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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