Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
