Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sarcasm needs its own font
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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