i think my tv is drunk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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