Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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