I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
