i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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