I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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