I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
