Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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