guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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