finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In other news, I just burned my penis
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
