i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
