I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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