That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
