i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
