Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
