But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
