Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
