The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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