2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Boobs speak an international language.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
