I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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