if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
