guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
