i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
