Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
