Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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