drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
they need to just BURY HIM!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
