i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
