What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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