Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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