Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
