So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm too high and old for this...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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