Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
