I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
