No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
