Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
