carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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