He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
